What Does a Southern Wedding Actually Mean?

In New Bern, NC, we hear the term “Southern Wedding”, But what does that actually mean? Does it mean fried chicken, sweet iced tea and strawberry shortcake? No, not so much.

Outside Wedding at Christ Episcopal Church in New Bern, NC

Being a southerner and having a southern wedding is difficult to quantify. Certainly there are some traditions that are typically southern.

Burying the Bourbon -The tradition states that if you bury a bottle of Kentucky Bourbon exactly one month before your wedding date, it won't rain on your special day and you'll have good fortune as a married couple. The bride and groom should bury the full bottle together, upside down at the wedding site or their new home together
Engagement parties- Usually a group of friends will offer to throw the couple an engagement party or bridal shower.
Bridal Sessions-Southern women are nothing if not practical when they need to be. Give your hair, makeup, and dress a test run in a bridal photo session. A long-standing tradition, these portraits maximize the use of the most expensive dress you will ever own, and save you valuable time on your wedding day!
Signature Cocktails-It’s no secret that the South is known for its whiskey (think Kentucky bourbon and Jack Daniels), but did you know that Coca-Cola was invented in Atlanta? Or that New Bern, North Carolina is the birthplace of Pepsi? Serving a signature drink is always a fun way to incorporate a bit of Southern culture in your wedding day. It’s also much more affordable than a full open bar…
Embracing the Heat-It’s hot in the South. Really, really hot. And humid. And so, by necessity, there are quite a few southern traditions that are based on just trying to keep cool. It’s most often in the south that you’ll find groomsmen in seersucker or light-colored suits. Sure, it looks good, but it also keeps the guys from overheating. Classic handkerchief squares serve double duty: they add a pop of color to the groomsmen’s suites and can also be used to discreetly wipe away sweat. And let’s not forget about the girls! Parasols are beautiful, provide shade from the sun, and make for lovely photos.

I really don’t think it’s tradition that defines a “southern Wedding” although they play a big part in the day. The phrase that comes to mind is “Gentle Elegance” The word southern, makes me think of the little town we live in, New Bern, NC. New Bern has an amazing historical district, were I have spent most of my adult life. As I look back over the years, I think of taking the kids on evening walks. We would stop to taste the honeysuckle, and catch the lightning bugs. and everyone would be sitting on their front porches, usually having a cocktail. So of course we would stop to talk and catch up, some of our neighbors would put sidewalk chalk behind a chair on their porch, just so the children had something to do while the adults chatted. So I began thinking what started this front porch sitting and moving closer to the water in the summer times. The Heat, Everyone would go outside in the evenings to catch the breezes and it became a social event. People sat on their porches and rocked and fanned themselves and talked to their neighbors. This, I think is how the south became thought of as a slower, gentler lifestyle.

So how did this “slower gentler lifestyle “relate to weddings?

Bride and Groom, in front of Tryon Palace with a reinnactment soldier

Southern Weddings became the gatherings of all these neighbors and friendships that had developed during those front porch meetings. There was a strong core value, because people had watched each others children grow up. These weren’t weddings where, no one knew anyone. Everyone knew pretty much everyone, hence usually a Southern wedding had a large guest list.

So I don’t think there is a real definition to what a Southern Wedding is. I think it is a feeling that comes from traditions, people having a strong sense of community and a gentle elegance.