Weddings are one of those occasions in life where everyone you love is in the same place. Which depending on your loved ones, could be a wonderful thing…or a nightmare waiting to happen! Not everyone has the same family dynamic, and it can be difficult to figure out how to respectfully represent the people that are most important to you on your wedding day!. From step-parents to blended families to parental figures, here’s how to make sure your wedding feels right for you and YOUR family.
If traditions are causing problems, Rethink Them
Besides open and honest communication, one thing you can do when dealing with sticky family dynamics is to rethink tradition. Consider walking down the aisle solo or letting one parent walk you half way down the aisle and the other walks you the other half. Give all of your parental figures the opportunity to make a speech. You can rethink parent dances if they are a problem. Give yourselves the freedom to do whatever works for your particular family dynamics—regardless of what formal wedding tradition or etiquette suggests
If you decide your dog is an important part of your wedding day, Go for it
Get the families onboard.
As Wedding Planners in New Bern, NC, We have dealt with many weddings with all sort os family dynamics. We have found that getting family on board works quite well. Try to think of dynamics before hand and make a plan to best fit your families. Share your plan before the wedding day, explaining your feelings for everyone and that you have both taken this into account and put a lot of thought into it and this is the plan that you are going with. We suggest not asking for suggestions, because that is opening pandoras box. Hopefully if they know that you have taken their feelings to heart and made the best plan for the day that is the best for everyone, they will respect your plan. Try to stay firm, you may not be able to make everyone 100% happy, but hopefully they understand that you have made the plan with everyone in mind and that they are all loved and respected and you want to celebrate your special day with them.
Try to create equal representation and participation for each family
Planning a wedding is difficult enough with managing guest lists, deadlines, and budgets, add in family to the mix, and the stress can feel magnified. It’s important to find ways of trying not to alienate members of the family, while making sure your wedding plans remain uncompromised. We recommend there be some sort of representation from both sides of the family. . The couple can assign tasks or special roles to these loved family members that they want to acknowledge in a special way during the celebration. They can be Ushers, Attendants for the Processional, escorts for a grandparent or VIP family member, someone can read a poem or bible verse.
Manage Expectations and Communicate
Weddings always seem to have all kinds of emotions all over the place. We see many resentments forming that could be avoided, had the couple communicated better in the beginning. If couples would decide some major factors before having anyone else offer their opinions, which they will do. Then they can be clear in what they want for their wedding day. For example, if the couple knows where, when, how large and communicate with families from the beginning it may avoid many arguments. I can’t tell you how many times that a couple would like to keep the guest list under 150 people, but they don’t communicate it and one family supplies a list of 95 people. So then they have a problem, had they communicated their wishes in the beginning that problem could have been avoided. This goes back to the previous paragraph, make your plans with regards to families feelings as best you can while maintaining your wishes and stick with it. You may encounter some resistance, but if you have formed a good plan. All you have to say is “ We are sorry you are disappointed, we put a lot of thought and time into our plan and tried to maintain our vision and also respect all our loved ones. Hopefully you can understand that.”
Don’t overlook the traditional formalities.
Respectfully representing each family as it relates to couples does not mean that you can break all the rules, even though we said you could at the top of the page. On the contrary, there are some instances in which some traditions must take place to be considered acceptable. For example, in some interfaith marriages there is more than one wedding officiant so that the marriage is validated by both parties. We suggest implementing unique family traditions by either blending customs during the wedding celebration or hosting multiple wedding events where each family can display their preferred customs.
Keep your planner informed. Please
Whatever your end result, please make sure that you inform your planner of this very clearly ahead of time. Your planner will be so happy to know all of this information so that they may be able to help you avoid any tense situations. . Also we have seen a few tense family moments, so use our experience to avoid any moments at your wedding. Again make your plans trying to take everyone in mind. Some key points where we have seen tense moments are, walking down the aisle, seating assignments at the ceremony and the reception, family photos, family dances, and speeches . We as planners can help you navigate all these issues, so don’t forget to ask us.
It is your Day!
While respecting traditions and family is important, it is truly your day to celebrate one of the biggest decisions of your life. So, yes, take families feelings into your plans and think outside the box if necessary to create traditions that make both sides smile and you will be long remembered and celebrated for generations to come. Remember to celebrate yourselves and your new life together
